If I had to Tell it Again
Author: Gayatri Prabhu
Publication: Harper Collins
Blurb (as on Goodreads):
From the aftermath of a death emerges this pioneering memoir of a daughter’s difficult love for a flawed, passionate, larger-than-life father. If I Had to Tell It Again is a tapestry of conflicting memories of clinical depression, intense togetherness, mourning, healing, and the shattering of spaces between childhood and adulthood. Charting an emotional minefield with delicacy and honesty, this is a haunting story about the sort of suffering that only families can inflict and endure
“The word ‘suicidal’ came to my mind much later. At that time, it was as simple as taking one step forward- towards release, towards perfect freedom and stillness. Most importantly, there was the knowledge that I would do it without hesitation.
And yet, I hesitated, held back.”
You get one shot at life and one shot at writing your memoir. And Gayatri Prabhu has dedicated this book to her father, her hero and her villain (well, I am no-one to judge). The book is also dedicated to Chinna, her Labrador, who was with her at the worst days of her life, standing strong and motivating her to live.
SGM (her father) was a very integral part of her life, he dominated her life when he was alive and he continues to dominate her memoir, years after his death. Such a figure, a person you cannot bring yourself to judge, no matter what the circumstances are. This review will be a product of emotions, resemblances, and idea of a Father figure that I hold so dear in my life.
This book can get really difficult sometimes because even though the author is repetitive most of the times and is trying so hard to forgive her father, we get a glimpse of an abused child, a confused teenager, and a depressed adult. No matter how subtle the author tries to sound, those are the things that hit hard, because few of them bear a close resemblance to our life, and few of them are plain unfair and brutal.
The author refers to her writer self in ‘third person’ and gives us a detailed information about the journey she had to take, the battles she had with all kinds of illness and sufferings.
**This is the kind of book that makes me wanna write about my life, maybe in points, because someday someone might wanna hear the things I have tried so hard to forget. But then, what does a 23-year-old know about life?**
I am going to live with a heavy heart for a long time.